


Ameliorate

by leorainfall



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Canonical Character Death, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Feral Kurapika, Fluff, Intimacy, It gets better before it gets worse, Killua receives affection, Multi, Out of Character, POV Second Person, Panic Attacks, Possessive Behavior, Reader-Insert, Reverse Harem, Scars, Slight yandere behavior, Somebody Lives/Not Everyone Dies, all thanks to you, gon is sunshine incarnate, kurapika actually fucking answers his phone for once, leorio is actually treated like the amazing man that he is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:40:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 18,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24023005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leorainfall/pseuds/leorainfall
Summary: You and Kurapika have always been together from the very start. He was all you needed and you were all he needed.Then you met Gon, and his bright disposition, and Leorio with his infinite compassion.And you began to wonder if maybe there was more to life outside of Kurapika’s shadow.[Various!HxH x Fem!Reader] [Posted on Quotev and AO3]
Relationships: Gon Freecs/Reader, Hisoka (Hunter x Hunter)/Reader, Illumi Zoldyck/Reader, Killua Zoldyck/Reader, Kurapika (Hunter X Hunter)/Reader, Kuroro Lucifer | Chrollo Lucifer/Reader, Leorio Paladiknight/Reader, Machi (Hunter X Hunter)/Reader, Pakunoda (Hunter X Hunter)/Reader, Shalnark (Hunter X Hunter)/Reader
Comments: 46
Kudos: 396





	1. Lost x and x Found

You were alone. Dear god, you were _alone_. Not again, please not-

It was just a few seconds, not even half a minute, and you turned around and he was gone. Taking a deep breath to calm your nerves, you called out his name tentatively.

No answer.

You picked up the pen that had fallen out of your pocket. This had to be - what? the fourth? fifth? time dropping it and you knew he was going to give you an earful when he saw you again.

Your heart clenched in your chest.

Oh god. For a second you forgot you were separated from him, but now that you remembered, it felt like the air was being forced out of you.

Was the ship spinning, or was that just you?

You braced a hand on the walls, stumbling as your breath quickened. Your heart felt like it was going to leap out of your chest and you pressed a free hand to try and keep it inside.

A low garbling noise reached your ears and it took a few seconds for you to realize it wasn’t just your imagination. Looking up from where you were kneeling - when did you get on the floor? - a blurry form stood in front of you.

Something warm touched your shoulder and you immediately grasped it, desperate for the comfort. It grounded you long enough for you to get your breathing under control; _one breath in, one breath out. Everything’s fine._

That’s when your mind finally told you your savior had been speaking this entire time.

Letting go of his hand, quickly wiping your eyes, embarrassment coursed through your body now that you regained enough composure to comprehend your surroundings.

It was pathetic, really. You had gotten separated for less than a minute and dissolved into a puddle of tears almost immediately after.

No wonder he didn’t want to bring you along.

”A-are you okay?” You hesitantly turned to look at the boy in front of you. A switch turned on in your brain, recognizing the brunette as a crew member of the ship. Having been on this trip for the past few days, it didn’t take long for you to memorize everyone’s faces - though names were an entirely different story.

Still, you needed to answer his question, he deserved that much.

”Hai, I’m okay. I just..I...” Taking another gulp of air, you scrambled your thoughts into a somewhat organized mess and grabbed the words that had been escaping you during your little breakdown. “I’m lost. My friend and I..”

You trailed off, breath hitching. To your horror - and further embarrassment - tears began to well up once again.

The boy panicked, wringing his hands back and forth before settling on placing them on your shoulders just as he did before. It worked and you took your time calming yourself down.

_One breath in, one breath be breath out. Everything’s fine._

The angel before you waited patiently, never once indicating signs of irritation or annoyance, just endless compassion. You were grateful for it.

When he noticed you were coherent once again, he kept his voice soft, as if scared to send you spiraling into another crying fit. “The blonde one, right? I think I saw him earlier.”

You perked up, hope bubbling to the surface and pushing aside your fear. Grabbing his hands, you leaned forward as you asked frantically, “Really?! Where? Is he nearby? Was he okay? Did you talk to him?”

The poor crewman sputtered with a red face and fell back, breaking your hold on him. “H-he asked me if I s-saw you and after saying no, I told him he could check the deck. It’s where people go when they lose their friends.”

He paused, his blush fading, face serious as he placed his full attention on you. You furrowed your brows at his sudden change in attitude when he nodded to himself, seemingly coming to a decision. He stood up. “I can take you to the deck. Just to make sure you get there okay.”

Nodding your head, he offered a hand and you gratefully took it. The boy tried to release it when you were able to stand without help, but you refused to drop it. Maybe it was a bit selfish of you, to ask for more when he’s already given so much, but you were still rattled. You needed the comfort. Thankfully, he seemed to sense this and he returned your tight hold on him, the tips of his ears tinted pink.

”U-um, what’s your name?” You asked quietly. “I’m [Name].”

He startled, your clasped hand jerking forward. “Oh! I didn’t introduce myself earlier, did I?” His gaze was shy as he glanced at you, then quickly turned to face forward. “My name’s Katsuo."

”It’s nice to meet you.” He nodded his head and repeated your words. The previous silence came back but you didn’t try to break it again. There was no need to.

Besides, you needed the time to think.

It wouldn’t be long before you two found your friend and when you did...

You looked downward, your hand tightening around Katsuo’s. You didn’t want to face his anger but it was inevitable. You left his side - as unintentional as it was - and that was a rule he _never_ let slide when broken.

But maybe, just _maybe_ , you could distract him. Focus his attention on something else, or change his feelings the slightest bit. If you did that, then things might turn out okay.

It’s never worked in the past, but his emotions were fickle, at best, right now. The pressure of needing to pass the exams and the uncertainty of what was to come were throwing him off. He was having a harder time keeping his composure. You could use that to your advantage.

Staring a hole through the ground, you pressed your lips tightly together.

You really didn’t want to, but what choice did you have?

The two of you stepped out on deck and the fresh air snapped you out of your reverie to prepare yourself. Squeezing Katsuo’s hand one more time, you let go and he turned to face you in surprise, his brown eyes speckled with concern.

”Thank you so much for helping me. Many people would have walked by, but you didn’t. I am very glad we met.” Giving a quick bow, you straightened up to see Katsuo intensely blushing, looking as if he had been approached by a God.

You felt heat rise up to your own cheeks the more he stared in awed silence and you nervously glanced around. “I-“

”[Name]!”

You whirled around without a second thought, instinct driving you, practically launching yourself at the person behind you. Having experienced this before, he didn’t even stumble, instead, wrapping his comforting arms around you.

Then he was pushing you back, frantically scanning you for any bruises or cuts, even going so far as to prodding you in various areas.

”I’m okay.” You whispered quietly and his eyes snapped up to meet your own. You smiled at him, genuinely happy to have him before you. His distraught expression melted away and he leaned forward to touch his forehead to yours, both of his hands holding your face.

”Do you realize how terrified I was? To look behind me and realize you’ve vanished. I-I thought-“

”Kurapika.” You murmured, and he closed his eyes, muscles loosening, leaning most of his weight against you. You weren’t sure why, but you could easily calm him down with a simple touch or call of his name. Most likely because knowing you’re there, safe by his side, distracted him long enough to regain his composure.

He sighed and opened his eyes, moving away from you. “Never do that again, not even to pick up your pen. Stay by my side at all times.”

When you nodded, he smiled in relief and your breath caught in your throat. It’s so rare to see him smile, so when he did - no matter how small it was - the beautiful image never failed to make your heartbeat quicken.

But, just as fast as it appeared, it vanished, crushed by the stone cold expression on his face when he looked past your shoulder.

Your heart dropped.

You turned to see Katsuo still there. He looked shaken from Kurapika’s glare.

”Who is he?” Kurapika asked in a collected voice. The fingers curled around your elbow possessively, pulling you closer to him, betrayed his calm facade.

This has happened before so you should be used to it, and you had tried to, but you just couldn’t prepare yourself. Not if there was a way to soothe the danger rising to the surface.

Rapidly facing Kurapika, you spoke quickly, knowing he could explode at any time. ”He’s no one, he only led me to you, okay? The only reason we found each other is because of him.”

He didn’t react the way you wanted. In fact, he didn’t react to your words at all, acting as if he never heard anything. Kurapika weaved a layer of poison into his voice and you felt the blood drain from your face. “You were alone with him? I will k-“

His eyes weren’t red yet, but if this continued on, that small miracle would vanish. There was only so much you could do before the window closed, along with your chance to halt the train before it crashed.

You cupped Kurapika’s face gently, rubbing both your thumbs against each cheek, making him pause. His dark eyes flickered to you before returning to the male struck frozen with fear.

”Please look at me.” He didn’t even twitch.

You swallowed and bit the bullet.

”Kurapika," You whined needily in a low enough voice that only he could hear. It always felt dirty using this trick against him, but desperate times called for desperate measures.

His face snaps towards you the moment his name fell from your lips and, this time, when his eyes focused on you, they stayed.

“You are my top priority.” You leaned forward and kissed his cheek. Kurapika clenched his jaw. “You are all I care about.” This time it’s the other cheek. Kurapika made a low noise in his throat. “I only love _you_.” You ended it with a kiss to the nose.

You’re not surprised to see adoration - and another emotion you can never pinpoint - swimming in his warm, grey eyes. He glanced down to the lower part of your face then back up in the span of a second, his Adam’s apple bobbing.

Tearing himself away from your close embrace, clearing his throat, he headed back to the entrance leading downstairs. Though, not before taking your hand into his.

As Kurapika dragged you away, you turned back to Katsuo. Your cheeks burned at the reminder you had an audience witnessing such an intimate, embarrassing moment, but you still had your wits about you enough to mouth an apology to the stunned male.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> your relationship with kurapika sure is something
> 
> I know Gon isn’t in this chapter but I posted it in honor of his birthday!! Happy bday, you green cutie pie!!!
> 
> anyways thanks for reading!! I appreciate it homies


	2. Ring x of x Scarlet

The violent winds slowly rocked the hammock back and forth. It was very soothing and caused your eyelids to droop slightly.

"Are you tired?" You leaned your head back to see Kurapika looking at you from the corner of his eye. He pulled his hand away from where you were holding it in your own, playing with it as a child would.

After turning the page, he placed his hand back into yours and a warm feeling in your chest cropped up. It was always the small things like this that got you. With the tragedy of what happened years ago to constantly being on the move, domestic moments were a rare treasure. You always did your best to revel in them when you had the chance.

"Not tired enough to sleep."

Kurapika hummed. "That's good. Taking a nap this early on would prevent you from sleeping properly tonight. There’s no telling what we’ll find on our journey."

All you did was nod in agreement, knowing he's right, and he turned his attention back to the book he was reading.

You relaxed further into him. _Th_ _is is nice,_ you thought, _but how long will it last?_

As if on cue, Kurapika stiffened from behind you and you looked to see what caused it. Your eyes met Katsuo’s. He glanced between you and Kurapika but averted his gaze when somebody called his name.

You cautiously turned to Kurapika, wanting to gauge how much damage control you needed to do. His gaze wasn’t fixated on Katsuo anymore, instead watching you. Your eyes widened in surprise when you realized he wasn’t as angry as you expected. He seemed to sense this and with a huff, Kurapika returned to his book.

Or, at least, he tried to.

“Oi! You five!”

You startled at the loud shout, almost falling out of the hammock if it wasn’t for Kurapika grabbing you at the last second.

”Follow me,” Senchou demanded and he left without another word.

You exchanged glances with Kurapika who sighed, putting away his book. You slid off the hammock and he followed your example.

The only other people not groaning on the floor were already walking out of the room.

The six of you arrived outside a closed door, the green-haired child finally pausing in his one sided conversation with Katsuo. Senchou opened it and Katsuo rushed to hold the door so the rest of you could walk in.

You have him an appreciative nod as you passed by and he blushed a dark red. Katsuo must not be used to others attention, especially positive attention. What a shame, he deserved it for being such a kind soul.

“Right then, get down the line and tell me all your names,” Senchou ordered.

Immediately, the kid standing next to Kurapika jumped at the chance. “My name is Gon!”

"I am Kurapika," your companion answered next. With a quick glance at you beside him, he offered your name as well.

He didn't like you speaking unless absolutely necessary. It was deeply rooted in one of his fears someone may try to manipulate you if you reveal information, so he decided what was safe to divulge and what wasn't. You just went along with the flow.

The man beside you obviously didn’t get the memo.

After stating his name as Leorio, he pointed at Kurapika. “She can answer for herself, ya know. It’s almost like you’re holding her hostage or something.” Then he squinted his eyes and turned to you, something similar to concern splayed across his face. “He didn’t kidnap you, did he?”

Leaning back in surprise - at both being addressed and then asked such a bold question - you couldn't help but press yourself into Kurapika. Sensing your distress, he wrapped an arm around you protectively as he glared at Leorio. "I would never do something like that to her. [Name] came willingly. Leave her alone."

The spectacled male was about to retort when Senchou beat him to it. "I'm not done asking questions so shut yer mouths!" Leorio backed down and Kurapika cast him one last glare before everyone returned their attention to the man in charge. "Now, why do you wanna become hunters?"

Leorio’s temporary ceasefire ended as soon as it began. "Hey! If you're not an examiner, you can't boss us around!"

"Just answer the question!"

"My dad is a hunter." Everyone looked at Gon as he took initiative, breaking the tense silence. "I left Whale Island because I want to know why my dad desired so much to be a hunter."

You smiled lightly at his enthusiasm - though you couldn’t help the rising anger you felt towards his father - but it dropped when Leorio started to scold the kid. He pressed a finger against Gon's forehead, pushing it backward as he continued his lecture. You didn’t understand why he was so offended by the little boy’s trust.

You paused.

Mulling it over, you realized Leorio may have a point. As a potential hunter, it isn’t always the best idea to give away your motivations at the slightest provocation. But still, Leorio didn’t have to be so harsh about it.

"I’m afraid I agree with Leorio," Kurapika said softly, his voice pulling you out of your thoughts.

Leorio's eyes narrowed and he frowned. "Oi! Aren't you younger than I am?" You blinked when he pointed at Kurapika - Leorio really enjoys pointing at things, you've noticed - but he didn't move a muscle. "Show some respect!"

Kurapika ignored him, calmly opening his eyes. "Its quite simple to avoid pesky questions by offering a plausible lie."

The tense atmosphere began to build as Kurapika continued to speak, Leorio getting more riled up as time went on. Beginning to feel closed in as things got worse, you grabbed Kurapika’s hand for reassurement. Though his cool expression never changed, he squeezed it lightly.  
  
“And you,” Senchou cut in. “What do you have to say for yourself?”

You blinked at him, momentarily thrown off by his sudden question, and then looked away - an obvious dismissal. If Kurapika wasn’t going to give his reason, then you wouldn’t either. That’s just how things go with you two.

“So, you three refuse to answer my question. Hey, Katsuo!” The boy flinched violently and you grimaced in sympathy.

”Aye, senchou?”

”Tell the examination board we have three more dropouts.”

Your eyes widened in surprise at the bomb of information, and your breath caught in your throat. No, this has to be a joke. There’s no way.

”What do you mean?”

Senchou sighed, fiddling with his pipe. “Still haven’t figured it out, huh?”

His words made a switch flip on somewhere in your brain.

This actually made sense.

Why he called only you four up to the cabin, leaving behind all the other potential examinees. Why he wanted to know your reasons for joining the exam. He was scouting the competition, weeding out the weak - or what he saw as weak, anyway.

”It’s a test,” you hissed and, though you tried to keep quiet so only Kurapika heard your words, everyone’s attention focused on you.

Senchou smirked, pleased at least one person caught what he was implying. ”Seems you finally got it. The hunter exam has already started. People like me have to screen all applicants and trim the fat. Makes things easier for the actual examiners. Everyone, except the four of you, has already been reported to the exam committee as a failure.”

A bead of sweat began to form on your brow. If you four had been just a little more susceptible to seasickness than no one here would have gotten _close_ to the exams.

“In short,” he continued, hardened gaze sweeping over the room. “Whether you get to take the real exam or not is up to me. So I’ll ask you again, and think carefully before you answer.”

You worked too hard to get here, you refused to let this last chance slip through your fingers. You squeezed Kurapika’s hand lightly, capturing his attention. He exchanged grim looks with you and nodded.

Taking a deep breath, he closed his eyes, preparing himself to expose his traumatic life story to four different strangers. You stood by his side the entire time, letting him know you’re there and he’s not alone. Him gripping your hand like it was a lifeline told you he knew, and was grateful for your presence.

After Kurapika finished, everyone's expectant gaze landed on you, curious to see what you would say. You knew they expected something as elaborate as your companion given you two were together.

They were going to be sorely disappointed.

A single sentence fell from your lips because, well, there really wasn’t much to say. You’re only here for one thing. “I’m taking the exam because where Kurapika goes, I follow.”

The tense atmosphere dropped at your anticlimactic reason, the others - with the exclusion of Kurapika, of course - staring in disbelief.

Leorio pointed a finger at you. "Hey, what kind of reason is that?! What the hell is wrong with you two? He’s looking for revenge - something he can do without even _taking_ the hunter exam - and you’re just going to go along with it?”

Kurapika’s brow furrowed for a slight second and you narrowed your eyes at Leorio. You turned your back on him, not finding him worth the trouble of speaking to, and he gasped in outrage at the blatant disrespect.

”That is the stupidest question I’ve ever heard, Leorio.” And with that jab, Kurapika and Leorio started a rivalry. You winced at the insults coming out of Kurapika’s mouth, but any sympathy for the older man soon vanished when he began to flaunt his greed.

”I’ve had the displeasure of meeting many unsavory people, Leorio, and you are, _by far_ , the most pathetic man yet.” You clicked your tongue, unhappy with having to open your mouth, especially for something as petty as _trash-talking_ , but his behavior was beginning to tick you off. Patience was something you had an abundance of and yet, here you were, losing it.

Kurapika spoke up next as Leorio froze in place from your harsh words. “If only you could buy class as well,” And Kurapika opened his eyes to look at him with distaste, driving in the final nail of the coffin. “ _Leorio_.”

He slowly moved his head to stare into Kurapika’s eyes, voice low with anger. “That was strike three. Come outside.”

Leorio stood up to his full height and you felt all your muscles tense in response. He wasn’t done speaking, you could tell, and it was going to be much worse than anything that has come out any of your mouths so far.

“Time to finish off the filthy Kurta bloodline, once and for all.” And with that, he walked away.

Kurapika whirled around, stepping in front of you protectively, nostrils flaring in anger. “Take that back, Leorio!” He yelled, stopping Leorio in his tracks.

You weren’t in much better condition, overcome with rage, their words just barely processing as your mind went into overdrive. How _dare_ he? How dare he utter such a callous threat?

”I said, take it back.” Kurapika repeated.

For a moment Leorio didn’t say anything and then, “It’s Leorio-san.” He left the cabin.

Kurapika eyes widened and then narrowed, growling lowly. You didn’t have to see his face to know his eyes burned a scarlet red.

There were two things that could break down his walls, two things that washed away any qualms he had for breaking moral code: Insulting the Kurta clan and threatening you.

And whether Leorio knew it or not, he accomplished both of these tasks with a single sentence.

The only thing holding him back from running after Leorio and taking his life was your grip on his arm. You knew he was waiting for permission. He had quite a bit of patience himself but when he snapped, you were the last sliver of self control that stopped him from being reckless. To release your hold on him is to sentence Leorio to his death - Kurapika wouldn’t be able to stop himself from doing any less.

You let go.

”Hey, where do you boys think you’re going? I’m not finished with you!” Senchou shouted after them. When neither listened, he redirected his attention to you. “Why’d you let him go?”

"Because,” you hissed, turning to glare at them, your limbs trembling with poorly contained anger. Gon’s eyes widened when he caught your gaze. Once overflowing with kindness, they were now dark with fury.

But that's not why he was shocked.

“Leorio must atone for his disrespectful mockery of _our_ clan.”

It was because of your [color] irises, surrounded by a ring of scarlet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> idk how to feel about this chapter but too late to change it now!!!


	3. Change x in x Judgement

It’s not like you were a hero - far from it, actually. You just saw Kurapika in danger of falling, along with a child and someone you were indebted to. So, you reacted.

Grabbing Kurapika’s tabard, you pulled him back with a strength you didn’t know you possessed; adrenaline was a very powerful thing.

Still, it was enough.

The five of you landed back onto the ship, safe from tumbling into the merciless sea and you all let out a sigh of relief.

The moment you finished fussing over Kurapika - apologizing for being rough with him, and then checking for any possible injuries - you rushed over to Gon. You then repeated the process because he was a kid and, by god, were you a sucker for them.

You grabbed his face into your hands, tilting it this way and that. “Are you okay? Does it hurt anywhere?”

He smiled at you reassuringly, a light pink dusting his cheeks. “No, I’m fine!”

You looked at him dubiously, releasing his face to check his arms and legs for scratches. While prodding at his skin to see if you could elicit a wince indicating injury, you briefly turned your attention to Katsuo. “You didn’t get hurt either, did you?”

Katsuo jumped, eyes widened with surprise at someone checking on his well-being. He blushed as well and shook his head. “I’m okay, thank you.”

“What am I, chopped liver?” Leorio asked, his arms crossed as he sulked.

Your eyes widened and you put a hand up to your mouth. “Oh! I kind of forgot.” Kurapika snorted and you immediately stood up, releasing Gon to wave your hands back and forth, horrified at what you implied. “Wait, that’s not what I mean! It’s just - you seem capable of handling yourself and I thought you were strong enough that you wouldn’t get hurt by that.”

In a blink of a second, Leorio’s entire mood changed. He laughed smugly and put a thumbs up. “Of course something like that wouldn’t hurt me! I knew you’d recognize my talent at some point.”

You sighed, glad he wasn’t offended. Kurapika, on the other hand, shook his head in exasperation before approaching Gon. “What you did was incredibly reckless.”

Leorio stopped laughing as he sobered up to berate him as well. “If it hadn’t been for us, you’d be shark bait!”

You pursued your lips, nodding your head in agreement. “They’re right, Gon. A second later and it would have been too late to save you.”

He stared at the three of you, the implication of an almost tragedy completely going over his head. “But it’s fine. You caught me! You both did! And Nee-chan pulled us to safety!”

You blinked, drawing back in surprise. You could feel your face begin to heat up at being addressed in such a familiar manner.

It didn’t help that you found his wide grin adorable.

”Gon!” A voice shouted behind you. Katsuo stood up to face your little group. “Arigatou, Gon, you’re incredible! You saved my life back there!”

”It’s not just me who saved you,” Gon said and he then directed his attention to the three of you. “These three helped as well.”

Without missing a beat, Katsuo bowed, thanking you all for saving him. Kurapika’s shock faded and he turned away from him, bashful at the gratitude. “Please, no thanks necessary.”

You giggled lightly, slipping your hand into his, happy Kurapika had given up his small grudge on the young crewman. You gave Katsuo a gentle smile. “Yeah, we just did what was right, that’s all. And hey, I repayed the favor so we’re even now!”

Leorio joined in your chuckling as he rubbed the back of his head. “Well.. you know.. Good thing you’re alright!”

“Hai! Well, I need to return to my post.”

He returned your wave and then scampered off before he could get scolded for neglecting his duties.

You turned your head only to see Kurapika gazing at Leorio with soft eyes. He shook his head, a tiny smile appearing on his face.

Leorio noticed as well. “What’s so funny?” He demanded, instantly suspicious. You couldn’t blame him; the three of you hadn’t exactly gotten along in the beginning.

”I apologise for my rude behaviour up until now. Please forgive me, Leorio-san.”

Ah, you see what he was doing now. Letting go of Kurapika’s hand just long enough to give a quick bow, you tacked on to his words. ”Hai. It was unnecessary for us to act in such a manner. I’m sorry as well.”

His eyes widened, surprised by the unexpected apologies. Leorio quickly turned away as an embarrassed flush appeared on his skin. “ W-What's that all of a sudden? It's too formal. Leorio is fine.” He then sighed. “I’m sorry, too. I take back everything I said back there. Forgive me.”

“No, it’s fine.” You and Kurapika smiled at his change in behavior. It’s good to know not everyone is a bad person.

Loud cackles erupted behind you and you swore you jumped at least five feet in the air. Senchou’s laughter became even louder at that. You refused to look at anyone, avoiding eye contact, embarrassed of your extreme reaction.

”You four are growing on me! I'll make sure all of you get safely dropped off the port closest to the Exam side. How does that sound?“

”Really?” Gon asked. “But, what about your test?”

”It’s like I said. I decide who goes on to take the exam.” He then turned around, giving you all a proud grin. “Congratulations, you four pass!”

Any tension you had beforehand disappeared immediately. How relieving to know you got past the first obstacle. Though you knew there was still more to come before you even reached the exam, you didn’t let it prevent you from celebrating with Gon.

Holding up a high five, you couldn’t help the large smile that spread across your face. “We did it, Nee-chan!” Gon cheered, slapping your hand. You shook your hand slightly at the amount of force he used, but it didn’t faze you.

”Yes,” you said quietly, gazing at Kurapika who met your eyes. He looked happy, surrounded by potential friends. For once, Kurapika appeared as the 17 year old teenager he was, instead of a hardened veteran, the weight of the world on his shoulders.

He deserved this reprieve, as small as it is. You both did.

“We did it, together.”

——-

“Nee-chan! Leorio! Kurapika!” A voice called out from behind. It was Gon. He sprinted towards the three of you and waved his hand to catch your attention.

You blinked in surprise as he skidded to a stop in front of you and then let out a small huff of amusement. You ruffled his hair while asking, “Where’d you go? When I turned around, you weren’t there and I got worried.”

”Oh!” He laughed sheepishly and scratched his cheek. “Gomen, Senchou asked me to stay behind for advice.”

”Really?” Kurapika asked, curious. “What did he say?”

“He told me there was a shortcut to the exam! We just have to go to the cedar tree on top of the hill.”

Leorio frowned in thought, glancing at a piece of paper in his hand. ”That’s odd. According to this notice I received, the exam is supposed to be held somewhere in Zaban City, see?” He showed the paper to the three of you.

He was right. Glancing at the map, you furrowed your eyebrows, catching what he was implying. “But that’s on the completely other side of the tree.”

Kurapika folded his arms and turned to Gon. “Could you have misheard Senchou?”

He shook his head, denying that possibility. Well, this was quite a problem. You had only two choices now and there was no way to explore both of them. The exam starts tomorrow and you didn’t have time to waste.

”What if,” you started hesitantly. Three pairs of eyes focused on you, waiting for you to continue. “What if this is another test? Like the ship.”

Kurapika nodded in agreement. “I believe it’s to see if we are capable of finding the site using only limited information. Another way to determine if we’re worthy of the Exam.”

Leorio accused you two of being smartasses and it took all you could to not laugh at him. Was he really so embarrassed that he didn’t figure it out himself? Gon hadn’t either, so it’s not like he was alone.

 _Though_ , you thought while a sweat drop formed, _Gon’s not exactly the sharpest tool in the shed._

The aforementioned child began to walk away without waiting for the little spat to settle, having already made his decision. “I think I’ll check it out for myself to find out what the captain was talking about.”

”Oi, Oi! The bus to Zaban is gonna leave any second!” Leorio shouted, surprised at his nonflippant attitude.

Gon continued to walk on, not looking behind him once as he waved goodbye.

You bit the inside of your cheek, trying to decide what was the best course of action.

Gon’s confidence was definitely appealing and Senchou had been honest from the very start, so it seemed unlikely he would lead you astray now. There’s also the fact he took a liking to the young boy.

However, Leorio’s note _was_ an official notice from the Exam committee. Adding onto that, quite a few people planning on taking the exam were already seated on the bus. It can’t be _completely_ likely that it was all a ruse if so many were listening to the directions.

In the end, Kurapika made the decision for you.

Leorio called after him, irritated he went to follow Gon instead of the notice. ”Whatever. See ya!”

You frowned, bothered by Leorio’s farewell. “You’re not coming with us?” You asked, not able to help - or even hide - your dismay. Despite it being childish, you pouted slightly, wrapping your arms around yourself in a desperate attempt at comfort.

Leorio was starting to grow on you and you didn’t want to part ways just yet. Ideally, your group wouldn’t part ways at all.

He sighed, rubbing his forehead. “I’m not a follower like you guys. I won’t take chances.” Your shoulders slumped in disappointment and he lightly patted your back. “It wasn’t long, but it was nice knowing ya.”

You nodded your head, bidding a farewell as you walked away from Leorio. “If we’re lucky, maybe we’ll see each other again.”

He waved a goodbye and headed in the opposite direction, briefcase in hand.

Heart heavy, you rushed after Kurapika and Gon, taking both of their hands in yours, needing contact to assure yourself _they_ weren’t leaving as well.

”He’s not coming along?” Gon asked. When you shook your head glumly, Kurapika sighed and squeezed your hand as an act of comfort. “Well, that’s fine! Because I have you and Kurapika with me! Though, I will miss Leorio.”

”Yeah, I will too.”

Kurapika hummed in agreement, not breaking the melancholic atmosphere. Though he didn’t say it, you knew he felt the same. It was so rare for you two to find someone good, someone that actually cared for others out here in the real world. If only that person hadn’t walked away.

As if on cue, somebody called out your names. You recognized that voice. Your eyes widened and you spun around to see a figure rapidly approaching.

You then smiled broadly, not bothering to hide your happiness. It seems you four weren’t separating just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they're all gonna be in for a rough surprise when they find out Leorio’s and Gon’s actual ages lmao (especially reader-chan)
> 
> also Kurapika really went from “I’ll destroy you and everything you stand for” to “I trust you with something that’s worth more than my life” in, like, 5 minutes


	4. Betrayal x of x Trust

Your grip on Kurapika’s hand tightened, unnerved by the silence permeating the air. Papers fluttered by and trash scattered the streets, yet no humans made an appearance. The only living creatures were your group and the occasional animal that happened to pass by.

Leorio picked up on your discomfort easily enough. “This is a creepy place. I don’t see another person,” He remarked, scanning the deserted homes for signs of life.

Gon, on the other hand, shook his head and you frowned in confusion. “No, there are plenty here.” Your nose scrunched up but you decided to give the boy benefit of the doubt. He hasn’t been proven wrong a single time, so if he said there were people here, then you wouldn’t be the one to disagree with him.

A rumbling noise sounded to your right and you jerked your head to face the doors slowly opening. Kurapika quickly maneuvered himself so his body shielded you from the entrance.

Out came several people donning white robes and strange masks. They carried a platform, an old woman seated in the middle.

Furrowing your brows at the stage set up before you four, you noticed how the strangers in disguise positioned it in a way that prevented you from continuing forward. It seemed it was too much to hope for an easy journey to the cedar tree.

”Doki Doki.” The old woman said. Baffled by her strange words, Leorio repeated her words - reminding you of a parrot - and gulped nervously.

”Doki Doki two choice quiz!”

You jumped back, rattled by her sudden screaming, and slammed right into Leorio. He grunted at the impact but steadied the two of you. “S-sorry.” The aspiring hunter waved off your apology, quickly checking to make sure you were alright, and then the two of you returned your attention to the strange events unfolding before you.

”I shall administer a single-question quiz. You’ll have five seconds to answer the question. Pick the wrong choice, and you’re disqualified. You’ll have to give up on taking this year’s Hunter Exam.”

You sucked in a harsh breath. The stakes weren’t as surprising to learn like the first time hearing it from Senchou, but they were no less concerning. One wrong decision and you and Kurapika would have to waste an entire year waiting for the next exam.

”Your answer will be either the number 1 or 2. Any other answer will be considered incorrect.” The old woman continued explaining.

You placed a fist under your chin in contemplation, wondering what exactly kind of questions she might be asking. They must not be conventional ones as pro hunters enjoy making everything as hard as possible.

What a shame. You excelled at tests, just like Leorio.

”Hold on!” Leorio shouted. “All four of us share one question? So if one of them answers incorrectly, I’m disqualified, too?”

Your eyes widened.

Oh.

That hadn’t been something you considered _at all._ This isn’t good. You had full confidence in Kurapika’s ability to answer any question correctly, as well as a fair amount of confidence in you and Leorio. It’s _Gon_ you were worried about. He was a naive kid and didn’t seem to understand quite a few concepts.

You sighed. There really wasn’t much you could do about it. So long as you made sure he didn’t breathe a single word after the question was asked then you four should be fine.

Kurapika, not as bothered by your friend’s realization, took the time to tease Leorio. “As if that would happen! What scares me is the high likelihood of the vice versa happening.”

Leorio took the bait immediately and you facepalmed at their antics. Gon - the precious child - completely ignored their competitive atmosphere to point out his own faults when it came to quizzes.

You couldn’t help but smile warmly at his sheepish expression. Pinching his cheek, he whined slightly at the pain. “Don’t worry about a thing, Gon. You helped us get this far so we’ll take care of things from here. Kay, sweetie?”

When you finally let go, he nodded his head, cheeks flushing from your close proximity and usage of endearment. “Hai, Nee-chan! I’m counting on you three!” Kurapika and Leorio joined in your chuckles at his positive attitude.

Unfortunately, a smug voice interrupted your little moment and the good mood vanished. You looked up to examine the newcomer with a slight hint of irritation. His cockiness rubbed you the wrong way.

”He followed us all the way from port,” Gon piped up.

You eyed the man cautiously. So it hadn’t just been your paranoia talking earlier. The entire trip up you could have sworn someone was following your group. It had made you a little jumpy, causing the males concern over your strange behavior.

Although, Kurapika hasn’t been _that_ unused to it. Living the life you two had, it wasn’t uncommon for you to overreact to small things. After all, you found it much safer to overreact than to brush it off as a trick of the imagination.

”We should let him go first.” Leorio suggested, shrugging his shoulders. “That way, we’ll know what kind of question to expect.”

The three of you gave no objections to his proposal and moved aside to let the newcomer try his luck.

Watching closely, you prepared for the old woman’s question. Not wanting to be caught off guard, you also kept your eyes out for any suspicious behavior. Who knows what kind of tricks these examiners may have up their sleeves.

”Evil villains have captured your mother and lover. You can only save one. Select 1 for your mother, or 2 for your lover. Which will you save?”

You took a step back, blown away by the contents of the question. How could she ask something like that? It’s impossible to find the right answer!

While your teammates seemed to share your feelings, the man before you didn’t. He slapped the button after only a few seconds of contemplation. “The answer is 1.”

The old woman’s facial expressions didn’t change, not giving away whether he was right or wrong. “Oh? Why do you say that?”

Unfazed, the man shrugged his shoulders, confident he chose correctly. “Because you can’t replace your mother. But you can find another lover.”

Your suppressed feelings of irritation bubbled to the surface. What kind of reasoning was that? It disgusted you. That’s not how relationships works. If you can throw someone away so easily then you obviously don’t care about them.

Your lips curled in disgust, and out of the corner of your eye, Kurapika winced in pain. Eyes wide, you quickly dropped his hand, having forgotten you were holding it in the first place.

A feeling of shame and guilt curdled like spoiled milk when you caught sight of his bloodied palms. Those wounds were caused by your fingernails and, for a fleeting moment, you felt like crying. You hadn’t meant to hurt him.

Kurapika, on the other hand, didn’t seem to care. He swiftly captured your hand back into his. Ignoring the smeared blood and stinging pain, he glared at you. Though Kurapika didn’t say anything, the message was clear: _Don’t let go again._

Some may find it strange, but his glare actually calmed you down. This was familiar territory, something you were used to - and right now, familiarity was what you needed.

A bird cawed and the woman’s voice cut through the air. “You may pass.” The man grinned smugly and your hackles raised, aggravated at how his behavior was being _rewarded_.

How could someone with such twisted logic be found worthy of becoming a hunter?

”You just have to tell the old lady what she wants to hear,” The man explained to you four quietly so your host couldn’t hear. He walked away, calling out an “adios” as he moved on.

Leorio ground his teeth together, shouting as his back slowly faded from view. “Oi, Oi! That’s all bull! How was that the right answer?” With his object of ire now out of sight, he jerked his head away, frustration eating at his patience. “I won’t put up with this sham. I’ll find a different route.”

The old woman had different plans.

”It’s too late,” She said, forcing Leorio to freeze in his tracks. “Refuse to take the quiz, and you’re disqualified.”

He spun around, snapping at the old woman. You sighed, hoping he wouldn’t go too far. That woman was one of the only things keeping you from taking the exam and it would be a shame to fail because Leorio lost his temper - though you couldn’t deny it wasn’t unjustified. You shared his feelings of frustration and helplessness, but the difference between you two was you were better at controlling them.

All of a sudden, Kurapika gasped, drawing you out of your thoughts to focus on him. He’s been relatively quiet, most likely searching for a way to pass the quiz - and it seems like he just found it.

The blonde whirled to face you, hastily saying, “Don’t s-“

The old woman stretched out a hand, cutting him off with her own shout. “Wait! Not another word from you. Say anything about the answer and you’re immediately disqualified.”

Leorio clicked his tongue at her warning.

Kurapika glanced at you questioningly and sighed in relief when you nodded. It hadn’t been hard to understand what he had been trying to tell you, his words jumpstarting your own train of thought, leading you to reach the same conclusion as he did only moments prior.

Unfortunately, Leorio didn’t have it as easy as you did. You bit your lip. If you were lucky, Gon and Leorio would be too stumped trying to find an answer to say anything before time runs out.

The old woman finally stated the question, though her words went in one ear and out the next. It wasn’t important. What _was_ important were the two standing only a few feet away. You clenched your jaw, preparing yourself for the next five seconds. They would be rough.

Leorio set his briefcase down and headed to the walls. Gon stood completely still, deep in thought. You frowned. It wasn’t hard to figure out Gon, but what was _Leorio_ doing?

He picked up a stick, readying it for...something. As the old woman counted down, the atmosphere became heavier and heavier.

You’ve come to realize no one was going to breathe a word, securing your success, but you had a feeling something more was going to happen. Something decidedly _not_ good.

Leorio leapt into action the moment she finished counting. You could only watch with wide eyes, jaw hanging open as your friend did his best to bash in an old woman’s head.

Kurapika’s hand slipped out of yours and you made a noise low in your throat, caught off guard by the loss of contact.

Chips of wood went flying into the air, Kurapika’s bokken and Leorio’s stick crashing into each other.

Leorio’s tall form leered over Kurapika’s smaller one as he did his best to keep him back. He grit his teeth together, putting all his strength into his bokken.

A ringing noise began to echo inside your head the longer you watched Kurapika struggle. He was in _danger_. Kurapika was in danger and you were all the way over here and what _are you even doing he’s **in danger he needs help he-**_

You blinked and it was over.

The trembling in your hands had vanished, your heart slowly settling back into its natural rhythm. The slight burning in your eyes had disappeared as well.

You stood right next to where Kurapika was holding Leorio up by the shoulders. When did you get all the way over here? You don’t remember moving so how..?

Then you took a step back, the memories rushing in, puzzle pieces sliding into place.

You had snapped after seeing Kurapika in such a precarious position. Since it was so out of character, no one stopped you from darting over, swiping Leorio’s legs out from under him and slamming your elbow into his spine.

Gon called out your name - maybe in an attempt to bring you to your senses, maybe he was just surprised - but you had ignored him, your mind too fixated on Kurapika.

You vaguely remember watching with a dull satisfaction as Leorio dropped like a stone. Only Kurapika’s quick reflexes prevented him from falling to the ground, though just barely.

”I-I didn’t mean-“ Your voice came out strangled, fighting through your horror to get the words out. You kept your eyes low, unable to look at their faces, not after catching a glimpse of their shock, Leorio’s pain, _Kurapika’s disappointment_.

Now that one hurt a lot.

Who knew you would ever see the day you garnered his disappointment? You - who could do no wrong in his eyes.

It seems like that’s all you’ve been doing these days. You just can’t stop messing up.

A cold feeling of guilt settled low in your gut and it didn’t go away as you listened to Kurapika’s explanation. It stayed with you after the old woman offered you passage. It stayed with you after raising Gon’s spirits when you said you believed he could do anything. It stayed with you after Kurapika forgave you for such an irrational attack.

It stayed with you after realizing Leorio was too scared, too angry, too _betrayed_ to even look in your direction.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was way too fucking long lmao
> 
> how the hell did I turn 10 minutes of the episode into a whole ass chapter
> 
> this is why god doesn’t fucking love me


	5. Honest x and Empty x Apologies

_Enough is enough_.

The awkward tension between you and Leorio was driving the group wild. Kurapika wouldn’t stop glancing between you two - obviously wanting to intervene but not knowing how - Gon would open his mouth and say the most random thing just to break the silence, and Leorio refused to acknowledge your presence.

You don’t blame him. This is _your_ fault, not his. _You’re_ the one that had to approach him first, it wasn’t his responsibility.

Taking a deep breath, readying yourself for the confrontation, you nodded to Kurapika and he released your hand, giving an encouraging smile.

”You’ll be alright,” he murmured, not wanting the others to overhear. “Give an apology and he won’t hesitate to forgive you. He’s simpleminded like that.”

You snorted, slapping his arm, but his words did the trick. You felt a calm wash over you, confidence returning. Kurapika was right. You and Leorio’s friendship would be back in business before you knew it.

You could do this. It was just an apology, nothing more, nothing less.

Slowing down to where Leorio has been trailing behind the group, you glanced at him out of the corner of your eyes. He refused to even look your way, his head turned to the forest beside him, complaining under his breath about the lengthy trip.

”Leorio?” You tried.

No answer.

You sighed and decided to say your piece anyway. He had ears, he could hear you. “Look, I-I wanted to apologize. For earlier. I’m not usually like that - which isn’t an excuse, I swear! But, I wasn’t trying to hurt you. If I knew what I was doing, I would have never tried to hurt you. But I did. And I’m sorry. I really am and I understand if you’re still angry. I shouldn’t have hurt you, no matter how scared I was. You’re my friend and I-“

A gentle hand on your head stopped your rambling. “It’s fine.”

”H-huh?”

You stared at him, baffled at how quickly he switched moods.

Leorio huffed and looked away, a small blush crawling up his neck. “Oi, stop looking at me like that.” He removed his hand to cover the lower part of his face, a pathetic attempt at hiding his blush. “All I wanted was a sorry, I didn’t need a whole speech.” You coughed, embarrassed at being called out like that, and did your best to ignore the smirk he threw your way, amused by your reaction.

His smug expression quickly faded after a few seconds, softening into something a little more...affectionate. “But thanks. You’re my friend too, ya know.”

You couldn’t help the bright smile that spread across your face. Leorio looked away, muttering about how you were too easily satisfied, the blush he just recently gotten rid of coming back with a vengeance.

You quickly snatched his hand into yours and increased your speed to catch up with the other two.

“Let go! I’m not a monster full of energy like you!”

”Kurapika, you’re right! Leorio really _is_ simpleminded!”

”Oi! You two were talking behind my back?!”

”But Leorio, they were walking in front of you, so how were they talking behind your back?”

”Children. I am surrounded by children.”

———

The night before had been...rough, to say the least. You don’t know _how_ , but you passed the Kiriko’s little exam along with the rest of your group. It left a sense of dissatisfaction you couldn’t shake no matter how hard you tried.

The others all had something that made them stand out.

You didn’t.

Gon had his enhanced abilities, Kurapika was intelligent, and not only did Leorio have extensive skills in medicine, he was also very compassionate.

But how did you pass?

 _Loyalty and trust_.

How pathetic is that? There was no way something as insignificant as that could help you become a hunter. Your presence during the mock exam - _all_ mock exams, in fact - was practically nonexistent.

You felt like a fraud. A leech.

You bit back a sigh, not wanting to worry Kurapika.

There’s really nothing you could do about it now. You can only look forward and get better so you didn’t have to rely on others. So you didn’t have to weigh down your friends.

 _So you could prove you deserved to stand next to Kurapika_.

”Haven’t seen you guys around here.”

You turned to see a stocky man sitting on one of the pipes. His tag bore the number 16. He must be very talented if he got to the exam site so early.

Or to get that high off the ground.

”You can tell we’re new?” Gon asked as your group walked closer to the man.

“More or less.” He jumped off the wall with a small grunt and smiled kindly. “After all, this will be my thirty-fifth attempt.”

So much for being talented.

Though, you did wonder if he could be useful. There must be others who are repeating like him; it’s possible he has valuable information on them.

”You could say I’m an exam veteran.”

Leorio sweatdropped and whispered under his breath, “That isn’t something to brag about.”

Kurapika shook his head slightly. “Indeed.”

You, on the other hand, fought to keep your blush under wraps. Jesus Christ, how the hell can someone be attracted to a voice? You’ve never had this kind of reaction when Leorio spoke before so why are you being affected now?

His voice had been scratchy and deep and _fuck_ it sounded good. Perks of being a teenager with hormones, you supposed.

You're just lucky no one was paying any attention to you and your newfound attraction to your friend. _He has to be twice my age_ , you reminded yourself, trying to crush your feelings before they could worsen.

It didn’t work.

”My name is Tonpa.” He held out his hand and Gon shook it as he beamed at the older male.

”I’m Gon.” He gestured behind him. “These are Kurapika and Leorio.” Gon then grabbed your hand and pulled you forward, eyes shining with pride. “And this is my nee-chan, [Name]!”

You chuckled nervously, sweat-dropping. He took this whole onee-chan business very seriously, despite only knowing you for two days.

Gon then asked Tonpa about any other exam veterans and you praised him for his smart thinking. The sooner you received their information, the better. It was good to know who to avoid or what to look out for before you fell into any traps.

You listened intently as Tonpa recounted all that he knew on the more prominent examinees. Glancing at each one, you did your best to memorize their appearance - including their tag number. Who knows what might prove useful, so it’s best to try and remember everything about them while you had the chance.

A man in interesting garb walked by, calm as the sea and cocky as a bull. He bumped into another uniquely dressed man without pausing to apologize.

You frowned.

Not everyone here is as nice as Tonpa. You’ll have to be careful not to get on anyone’s bad s-

The air shifted and your body _screamed_ at you to _run, run, you’re in **danger**_. Something’s so incredibly wrong and your throat _burned_ in warning, in remembrance of another time. You took a step back, eyes darting across the room searching for what had you so on edge.

Then, a man began to scream.

Your eyes snapped to the horrifying scene in front of you. The rude man from earlier had dropped to his knees while his arms slowly turned into pink flowers. Nobody moved, too shocked and scared to do anything.

“Oh, how peculiar.” A man - the one that was bumped into - watched on with a hint of smugness. “His arms seem to have become flower petals.”

Your breakfast slowly came back up, threatening to come out, and you placed a shaky hand over your mouth.

_Its him._

You don’t know how, but you just _know_ he’s the one that caused this. He _oozed_ danger; it came pouring out in waves, threatening to make your legs give out on you.

 _One breath in, one breath out,_ you repeated the mantra in your head, but couldn’t bring yourself to finish it.

_Because..._

”Do take care,” The clown-inspired man said, pleased at his handiwork. “When you bump into someone, you really should apologize.”

He was _so very hungry_ for death and when he glanced your way, you feared you would be his next meal. Golden irises stared straight through your soul, an interested gleam shining as he looked you up and down. His grin widened and all the blood drained from your face.

_...nothing was fine._

Kurapika put a hand on your shoulder, stepping in front of you, cutting short your deadly staring contest. “[Name], are you alright? You seem ill.”

_No, no, I’m not alright._

Your eyes darted to his own and you forced yourself to relax. “I’m fine. Just rattled by what happened.”

_I’m his new target._

Kurapika sent you a reassuring smile, contrasting the cold, murderous look in his eyes. “He won’t hurt you. _I won’t let him._ ” And he said this with such conviction, you couldn’t help _but_ believe him.

Even though you knew that man was entirely out of his league.

”That psychopath took the exam last year too,” Tonpa remarked. You all directed your attention to him, curious to know more about this mysterious man. ”Number 44. Hisoka, the magician. Last year, he was a virtual lock to pass the test, until he all but killed an examiner he didn’t like.”

Leorio sputtered in response, aghast at the examiners’ nonchalance at the attempted murder of a fellow coworker.

Tonpa frowned, becoming more serious. “Every year, the examiners and test content change. The devil himself could pass if that were the examiners' determination. That's just how the Hunter Exam works.”

You clicked your tongue from where you stood behind Kurapika. Wrapping your arms around his neck, you leaned your chin against his shoulder, watching Hisoka walk away.

”He looks dangerous.”

_Hisoka could kill all five of us without breaking a sweat. He’s more than dangerous - he’s a **monster**._

”Oh, right.” Tonpa rummaged through his bag, clearing away the previous tension hanging in the air. “A little something to mark our acquaintance.” In his hands were a few cans of juice.

When he tried to offer you one, you refused it. “I’m pretty sure I’ll throw up if I have something unhealthy right now. But thank you.”

Tonpa’s smile fell for just the slightest second. You almost believed you imagined it if it wasn’t for Kurapika’s muscles tensing from underneath you.

Kurapika paused, reconsidering the juice and whether it was safe to drink. Clearing his throat, he placed the can in his bag. “I appreciate the offering, Tonpa. However, I am not thirsty at this moment.”

Tonpa’s eye twitched. “Are you sure? You should stay hydrated.” He glanced at you. “And the juice might make you feel better.”

Still, you two didn’t rescind your statements and he sighed, a hint of aggravation in his tone.

Your earlier assessment on his personality turned out to be wrong. _He’s a pretty good actor_ , you thought, watching him interact with Leorio and Gon. He kept his voice jovial and his smile friendly, your two friends none the wiser. Only you - and most likely Kurapika, given the fact he’s been staring at Tonpa suspiciously ever since you turned down the juice - realized he may not be your ally.

Unfortunately, you didn’t have any actual evidence he wasn’t on your side, so you didn’t stop the others from drinking. If you stepped in, they may not believe you and, on the off chance he really _was_ trying to be helpful, you didn’t want to upset Tonpa for nothing.

Gon put the can to his lips, stopped, and promptly opened up his mouth, letting the juice fall out.

You gasped, putting a hand over your own mouth to stop your laughter from escaping. “Gon! Manners!”

He turned to you, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. “Sorry, Nee-chan, but this juice must have expired.”

At that, Leorio spit out his juice, wiping away all remnants left behind. You coughed, burying your face into Kurapika’s neck so no one could hear you start laughing even harder.

”H-huh? That’s strange.” Tonpa got on his knees and bowed, putting his hands up in a praying position as he apologized. “I didn’t realize the juice had gone bad!”

Your giggling fit subsided so you could deadpan at the older man. He knew exactly what he had done and you cursed yourself for second guessing your intuitions.

Gon‘s lucky he was able to identify whatever Tonpa put in the juice.

”It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize.”

_No, Gon, he has every right to._

”I’ve sampled all kinds of mountain grasses and plants. I can usually taste when something’s bad.”

Tonpa straightened up, surprised. You were just as shocked. “Gon?”

He looked at you, tilting his head. “Hai?”

”Did you put random plants in your mouth as a child without knowing anything about them?” You asked slowly.

Gon nodded, clearly not understanding the problem with what he did, and you despaired to the heavens. This country bumpkin is just _asking_ to be put on child leash; he can _not_ be trusted to keep himself out of trouble.

When Tonpa walked away, you didn’t wave him off. While you weren’t going to go out of your way to antagonize him, you refused to be friendly. He tried to hurt your friends - that’s unacceptable.

”[Name].” You hummed to show Kurapika you were listening. “How did you know Tonpa sabotaged our drinks?”

”Sabotage? What does that mean?”

You chuckled lightly, smiling at Gon to show you weren’t making fun of him. “It means to ruin something. Tonpa put a poison in your drinks so we couldn’t take the exam.”

Gon’s face morphed into an angry glare and you silently awed at the cuteness. This boy was adorable and you’re so glad you met him.

”And to answer your question, Kurapika: I didn’t.”

Kurapika whipped his head around to face you, not expecting your statement. ”Huh?”

”What I told Tonpa was the truth. Having anything sugary would just upset my stomach.”

A ringing noise drew your attention to the opposite wall from where you came from. It slowly rose up to the ceiling, revealing a single person.

That must be the examiner.

Your lips twitched in amusement when you realized his pink hair curled up in a way reminiscent of his mustache. He was an interesting fellow, particularly because he had no mouth.

”I apologize for the wait. The Hunter exam will now begin!”

* * *

I have two links here, if you want to know what they’re about, pls check the author’s note. [1] [JTB](https://junkterrorbill.carrd.co/) and [2] [BLM](https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few very important announcements - some related to the story and some unrelated, they’re all pretty important so pls read
> 
> BLACK LIVES MATTER AND ACAB - if you don’t agree with this statement then sorry, but I don’t care
> 
> support your local black businesses instead of corporations that wouldn’t hesitate to throw you under the bus for money!! sign petitions, spread information on social media to educate your followers, confront family members for their racism!! If you’re going to protests, cover your faces so that police can’t identify you in pictures/videos, tear gas is less likely to affect you, and to help prevent the spread of covid-19!!
> 
> here are two VERY important links: [1] Junk terror bill describes how the Philippine government is trying to restrict citizen’s rights and what you can do to help (ppl have said petitions don’t rly work so focus on emailing the government (and use fake emails!!)) [2] BLM holds information on the black lives matter moment - includes ways to help, how to protect yourself during protests, links to other important issues and movements, and much more!!
> 
> To all my black followers - I’m very sorry this is happening and it must be so stressful. I love you all so much and know that you aren’t required to continue fighting if it’s hurting your mental health. Take a break from the toxicity, if you need to. You’re not a bad person for taking time off for yourself, I promise.
> 
> I’m here for all of you :)
> 
> ...I should also probably state this now before it’s too late
> 
> there will be “yanderes“ in this book and...weird/problematic themes that will be somewhat addressed and certain behaviors may be fixed, but not all of it will be
> 
> if y’all want a list so you know whether you still want to stick around then go ahead and ask and I’ll include it in the next update


	6. Truths x are x Revealed

“I am Satotz, the Phase One examiner. You must follow me to Phase Two.”

You huffed as the pace slowly increased. Several people were beginning to struggle and, by the time the two hour mark hit, a good number of participants dropped out, not able to take the mental and physical strains.

”This test is brutal.”

Leorio glanced at you, surprised you actually spoke without being addressed first.“Really? I’m enjoying it!”

Tilting your head, you didn’t comment on how he‘ll most likely take back what he said in the next hour or so. That’s Leorio for you, he says one thing but ends up doing something else entirely.

You couldn’t help the tiny smile that spread across your face.

A teenager suddenly whizzed by your group on a skateboard and you quietly lamented not having one of your own. That would make this part of the exam so easy. He’s really lucky he brought his along.

Leorio didn’t think so.

You winced as he screamed at the kid, calling him a cheater. Slowing down a bit to distance yourself, Kurapika spotted your unease and sighed, sending Leorio a disapproving look. “Shouting will only deplete your energy. Besides, it’s annoying.”

Relaxing your shoulders a bit, you hid a snort and grabbed Kurapika’s hand to lead him further ahead. “I don’t think it’s a good idea to get into a fight.”

Kurapika looked back to see Leorio’s red face and sweat dropped. “We should keep our distance for now.”

After several hours of running, the physical tolls finally began to appear. Your clothing clung to your skin and hair plastered itself onto your forehead; the sensation disgusted you. Wiping away the sweat with your sleeve, you grimaced at the dampness.

At least Kurapika was doing fine. There were signs of him slowly getting tired but you knew he still had a decent amount of energy left. As long as he continued to persevere, then you could force yourself to do the same.

”Do you think the others are okay?” You asked, searching behind you, frowning when you failed to spot any familiar faces. Your elevated position on the stairs made it easier to see, but even then, your friends never came into your line of sight.

Kurapika smiled softly, pulling away a few strands of hair that fell into your face. “They won’t give up.”

At that moment, you two heard somebody screaming and your eyes widened. It might be your imagination but that sounded like Leorio!

Glancing back once again, you saw his figure closing the distance between you three. By the time Leorio reached you, he had calmed down, though still swearing miserably and...

Did he really have to take his shirt off?

You refused to look at him, flustered by his state of undress. What made it even _worse_ was your previous realization you may or may not have a teensy little crush on him.

The only good thing about this was you could blame your red face on all the exercise.

”Leorio, are you okay?”

“Sure! I realized I can keep going if I don’t worry about how stupid I looked!”

Leorio sped up and Kurapika chuckled. “We should probably follow his example.”

You hummed in agreement. You had taken your sweater off a while back, but you could do the same to your shirt as well. There was a tank top underneath, so it’s fine.

With the extra weight gone, you easily caught up with Leorio.

”Leorio, I have a question! Are you really trying to become a hunter for money?” You payed close attention, curious to see if Leorio would confirm Kurapika’s suspicions. “You have a nasty attitude, and you aren’t very bright.”

A tic mark appeared on Leorio’s forehead, clearly offended by his words. Although you wanted to, you didn’t interfere, having noticed Kurapika wasn’t finished.

”But you’re not a shallow person.”

Leorio’s anger quickly subsided and he looked away. Though Kurapika pressed, he still refused to answer.

Kurapika frowned, sending you a brief look and you grimaced. Considering him for a moment, you nodded your head, giving permission. They weren’t just _his_ secrets after all. It was your burden to share and you had as much of a say as he did when it came to your clan.

Though, you can’t help but notice he’s come a long way, trusting these people enough to tell your secrets.

“Scarlet eyes. That’s why the Kurta were targeted. We Kurta are known for our unique scarlet eyes that appear when our emotions are heightened, as though on fire.”

You swallowed dryly, focusing on your breathing. _One breath in, one breath out. Everything is fine._ It always brought up bad memories, talking about your clan, so you avoided it when you could. Kurapika respected your decision, understanding your stance on the subject. If he wasn’t so focused on avenging them, he probably would have followed in your footsteps.

”They took every single eye from my brethren’s corpses.” Kurapika grit his teeth, the anger he held close to his chest slowly coming into the light. “I can still hear their darkened eyes crying out in anguish...I swear I’ll capture the phantom troupe! And I will reclaim the eyes of my clan!”

”That’s why you want to be a hunter?”

“If I become a hunter with rich clients, I’ll gain access to black market information.”

“But you’ll have to swallow your pride and become the kind of hunter you despise!” Leorio frowned, carefully watching Kurapika’s facial expressions.

But Kurapika wasn’t the one to answer his unasked question.

You closed your eyes, images you never quite got rid of coming back to haunt you, just as they’ve been doing for the past four years. “What is pride when compared to the suffering the Kurta clan endured?” Your voice was soft, quiet compared to theirs, but they still heard them clearly, as if you had shouted them.

The two went silent, Leorio not knowing what to say and Kurapika not having anything else to add.

Eventually, Leorio sighed. “Sorry, but I have no noble cause. I’m just after money.”

Kurapika stared at him in disbelief. “Don’t lie! You really believe you can buy everything with money?”

That can’t be right. It doesn’t sound like the Leorio you know at all.

”You bet! For the right price, you can buy not only treasures, but dreams, hearts, and even people's lives!”

Kurapika snapped, shouting at him. “Take that back, Leorio! If you’re insulting the Kurta, I’ll never forgive you!”

You grabbed his arm, hoping to calm him down before he tried anything drastic.

The dots just weren’t lining up, there _had_ to be more to the story. You _refused_ to believe this sweet, goofy man only cared about money and material things.

“I’m telling the truth. If I’d had money, my friend wouldn’t have died!” You were all taken aback by his words, even Leorio - who seemed shocked he let his true intentions slip out. He turned away, not wanting to look at either of your faces.

”An illness?”

Leorio recounted his story, explaining that his friend died due to not having enough money to treat his curable illness.

You felt sick to your stomach.

This story sounded familiar - a child wanting to become a doctor because of their friend’s illness, and then having their dream crushed into pieces.

At least it’s not too late for Leorio. That road may be closed to one, but Leorio still had a chance at achieving his goal.

You're going to do what you can to help. He’s a good person; if anyone deserves to be a doctor, it’s him.

Two pairs of footsteps rapidly approaching alerted you to a new presence. Turning around, you beamed at the newcomers.

”Gon! It’s been a while since I last saw you, sweetie!”

He waved, delighted at meeting up again. “Hi, Nee-chan! I missed you!”

You laughed, ruffling his hair.

Gon’s companion furrowed his brows as he muttered something under his breath, but you ignored him. If he didn’t say it out loud then it clearly wasn’t important or meant for your ears.

”I’ll see you guys at the goal!”

The white-haired boy’s expression lightened. “Catch you later, oji-san!”

Leorio’s face reddened at the insult. “I’m not old!” And then he said something that made you all momentarily freeze in your tracks. “I’m a teenager, just like you guys!”

You could have sworn he was at least 30!

”No way!”

”What’s next, Gon turns out to be 15?” You asked sarcastically.

Gon tilted his head. “But I’m 16. It’s not that far off, is it?”

You tripped on the stairs in your surprise and Leorio had to grab you before you could go tumbling all the way down.

”I thought you were 12!”

Everyone murmured in agreement, believing he had been a preteen until now. Gon’s expression fell and he grumbled, slightly offended.

You felt a little bad, especially with how you’ve been treated him like a child. Scratching your cheek, you apologized for jumping to conclusions. He quickly accepted it, completely dropping his grudge due to his easygoing nature.

Soon after, he and his friend moved ahead.

”Say, [Name], I’ve noticed something and I wanted to know if I was right.” 

“Unlikely.”

Leorio hissed - literally hissed, like a cat would - at Kurapika. You cleared your throat and he turned his attention back to you.

”Are you and Kurapika dating?”

You and Kurapika shared a glance - you in bewilderment, Kurapika in slight amusement. “We weren’t even trying this time!”

”I thought we’ve established Leorio has the comprehension skills of a child.”

Leorio sputtered, swinging a fist at Kurapika who dodged, a small smile hanging on his lips. You let out a huff of exasperation and rolled your eyes.

”No, Leorio, we aren’t dating.”

He stopped trying to kill your companion to return to the conversation. “What did you mean by you “aren’t trying this time”?”

“Well,” You started, looking for find the best way to put it. “Kurapika and I will sometimes pretend to be dating. When somebody’s flirting with one of us, they’re more likely to back off if we say we’re in a relationship.”

”Huh. That’s smart.” He paused and you watched him, curious at his hesitation.

”Is there something else you want to ask? I won’t get mad, I promise.”

Leorio’s eyes flickered to Kurapika as he muttered, “You’re not the one I’m worried about.” Throwing in the towel, he sighed. “You don’t have to answer but, are you a Kurta?”

You stiffened.

Were you that obvious?

You did your best to put distance between yourself and the Kurta clan, always talking about it as if you were an outsider, wore non traditional Kurtan clothing, avoided speaking the language in open areas. Was it the eyes? You thought he didn’t catch sight of the change in color, too distracted by your...momentary lapse in judgement.

There wasn’t much point in keeping it a secret from him. He’s your friend and you were bound to tell him at some point.

“I’m a [Surname].”

Just, not now.

There’s too many people. If someone overheard, you may put a target on your head. Once you had more privacy, you’d tell Leorio. You trusted him, as did Kurapika.

Before you could say anything else, participants ahead began shouting about an exit. You sighed in relief, glad the marathon was coming to an end, as well as this uncomfortable conversation. Your stamina was windling down and you needed a break.

The three of you reached the top and you’ve never been so glad to feel the wind on your overheated skin. 

”Hey Nee-chan, Kurapika!” Gon sat by the stairs, looking well rested. He was probably one of the first to arrive considering his physical prowess.

Kurapika waved at him while surveying the area. “Is this our destination?”

The thick fog surrounding you made it impossible to see more than a few meters away. What task could you possibly be doing here?

”No, it isn’t.”

You frowned, plopping yourself next to Gon. “So we have to run some more?” He shrugged and you sighed. “Oh well, I’ll just use this time to rest.”

Feeling a pair of eyes watching, you glanced over to see Gon’s companion staring at you intently with an unreadable expression. Did you ever catch his name? You didn’t think so.

Gon seemed to realize this as well, his eyes widening. “Oh! [Name], this is Killua. He’s the same age as me!” You waved, smiling warmly but his piercing gaze didn’t lessen. “And Killua, this is [Name], my nee-chan!”

Killua looked at Gon and his face softened. Well, that’s interesting. “You have a sister?”

Your smile widened and you shook your head. “No, we only met each other a few days ago. That’s just what he calls me.” A lightbulb went off in your head and you gasped. “Oh! You can call me that, too, if you want! I don’t mind!”

Sure, it may be weird since you were only a few years apart, but the idea of being called Nee-chan slowly grew on you.

You never really had anyone look up to you or admire you the way Gon has.

Being an only child and constantly on the move meant it was hard for you to make friends, let alone become a role model for others.

And Kurapika didn’t admire you. He protected you and loved you, yes, but it wasn’t the same.

Hopefully, he would say yes. You leaned into Gon’s space to get closer to Killua, eyes shining with anticipation.

Killua deadpanned. “No. Why would I do that? You’re a stranger, and an old hag to boot.”

Your jaw dropped, taken aback by his blunt comment. It wasn’t very hurtful in that he insulted your appearance, but more so because he rejected your offer so viciously.

Gon gasped, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest. “That’s not true! Nee-chan is really pretty! Don’t be mean, Killua.”

Coughing into your hand, flustered by his compliment, you pat Gon. “Thank you, but that’s not necessary. If that’s how he truly feels, then I won’t try to change it.”

Killua folded his arms behind his head, closing his eyes. “I’m not lying, you’re just blind, baaaaaka.” You stared at him for a few moment and he opened a single eye to stare back, looking annoyed. “What?” Refusing to tear your gaze away, he opened up his other eye, becoming more agitated. “What the hell do you w-“

You cut him off with your laughter, fisting a hand into Gon’s jacket to keep your body steady, eyes squeezed shut.

”What’s so funny?” Gon asked, curious.

”She’s laughing at us! Oi, stop it!”

Shaking your head, grinning widely, you opened your eyes to look at both Gon and Killua. “I’m not making fun of you, I’m sorry if you thought that. You two are just so cute.”

Killua fell back on his hands, eyes wide and cheeks aflame. He tried to say something, most likely a biting retort, but nothing came out of his mouth.

Gon was the one to respond. “Thank you, Nee-chan! You’re cute, too!” He grinned at you, hugging you tighter to him and you’re ashamed to say you squeaked. His grip was incredibly strong and if he squeezed any harder, you feared he would break a bone.

Killua finally recovered, folding his arms. There was still a light red dust on his cheeks and he peeked at you two out of the corner of his eye. Instead of an insult like you assumed, all he did was scoff.

You just grinned harder, amused. Was he already jealous? Killua has only known Gon for a few hours, yet he still wanted all his attention for himself. That is adorable. These teens were just the sweetest - if you ignore how Killua insulted you earlier.

He noticed you smiling at him and he ducked his head down, flushing again.

Yeah, they’re the sweetest.

* * *

someone asked for a list, here’s a link above bc hoo boy, it’s long - mostly bc I wanted to try to cover all my bases: _[Trigger Warnings](https://www.quotev.com/aerialfae/journal/7004782/Ameliorate-Trigger-Warnings)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s a bit of trivia!!! Gon calls all older girls Nee-chan because it’s normal on whale island, (similar to real world Japan). It’s the same way people will call elderly women Obaa-san despite them being strangers.
> 
> For reader-chan, Nee-chan means you see that person as a role model, a person to look up to. The older girls from where she lived were only called Nee-chan when they were greatly loved and admired by the children.
> 
> Killua understands people view the word Nee-chan in different lights based on where they are from so he generally avoids it. He would only ever use the word if that person was someone he cared for and trusted deeply.
> 
> ^^^these are all canon to this story NOT THE OFFICIAL HXH


	7. Guiding x Soul

“The fog is fading.”

You shifted yourself in Gon’s arms to see better and surveyed the area, quickly coming to the conclusion that Kurapika was right. Large trees slowly appeared before you with no clear end in sight. Wherever your destination was, it would be far away.

“The Numere Wetlands, also known as Swindlers Swamp,” Satotz informed. “We must cross these wetlands to reach Phase Two of the exam.“

You sighed.

Your position was really comfortable, snuggled into Gon’s chest as he held you while chattering excitedly with Killua. It took almost half an hour for Killua to warm up to you, but he eventually stopped snapping at you. He even cracked a smile at one of your jokes!

You’re making progress with him - slowly, but surely.

Tapping on one of Gon’s arms wrapped around your waist to indicate you wanted him to let go, he did so, but not without a pout. You stood up, him and Killua following suit. Stretching out your sore limbs, you prepared for another several hours of running while Satotz monologued.

After he warned your group of the dangers hiding in the Numere Wetlands, a loud rumbling caught everyone’s attention and they turned to see the entrance they came from sliding shut, an unlucky participant screaming for it to wait. You shuddered as it closed with a definitive thud.

“An ecosystem in which creatures obtain food through deceit...Hence the name Swindlers Swamp. Stay very close to me so you won’t be deceived.”

The atmosphere became strained as you all regarded him seriously. The first part of this phase had most likely been a breeze compared to what lies next. Who knows when, where, or how a trap will pop up. Satotz was your best - and only - chance of getting through here alive.

Leorio scoffed, his cockiness showing. “What a joke. How can they fool us, when we’re expecting it?”

“Don’t let them fool you!”

You covered your snort, knowing if Leorio heard you laughing, it would only serve to rile him up.

“D-dont fall for it...” A man stepped out from behind the wall and you gasped at the various cuts and scratches on him. “He’s lying to you!” He shouted, pointing a finger at Satotz. Curiously, his expression never changed despite being accused. “He isn’t an examiner...I’m the real examiner!”

You looked back and forth between the newcomer and Satotz, unsure if he spoke the truth.

”An impostor? What’s going on?”

”Then who is he?”

The self acclaimed examiner pulled out a creature. It’s body was covered in fur - save for its face - and looked uncannily like Satotz. However, this creature had a mouth - the only difference you could spot.

”The Man-Faced Ape love the taste of human flesh. They're also quite weak. Disguise themselves as humans to trick others into following them into the Numere Wetlands, they team up with animals to kill and devour them. He intends to trap every single applicant!”

Leorio became enraged at the thought of being fooled, as did a few other examinees. Many readied themselves for a fight, but you only frowned at them, refusing to join.

If you were honest, you didn’t feel the same way. It just didn’t seem plausible for Satotz to be a lying ape. You found too many holes in the man’s story for it to seem true.

For one, how could a measly ape - too weak to kill its own prey - get the jump on a trained hunter? Secondly, it would be faster and easier for the creature to pick off participants one by one as they came in during the entry phase rather than a whole group of powerful humans. As your last point, the Hunter committee would notice if one of their own went missing.

After all, they disqualified Hisoka for trying to kill an examiner last year.

Suddenly, your chest tightened and you began to shake. A cold sweat broke out on your skin and you tried so _hard_ to steady your breathing, but you couldn’t. So much fear coursed through your veins, your brain clouded with an intense desire to _get away._

This time you knew why - no, that’s wrong, you still don’t understand - you knew _who_ made you feel this way. You zeroed in on Hisoka watching the scene with a disgustingly perverse expression. It forced a shiver down your spine.

You don’t want to be anywhere near here, near his bloodlust. The thought of having that much deadly intent directed at you drained the blood from your face.

The dark atmosphere choking you flared for a brief second and your hands flew to your throat because oh _god_ _it burns it burns so much-_

Hisoka threw six cards in the air - three at Satotz and another three at the examiner.

His bloodlust faded.

You dropped your arms, the pain having disappeared. You continued to tremble faintly - the danger may have passed, but your body still remembered how _easy_ it would be for you to die at Hisoka’s hands.

 _One breath in, one breath out._ _Everything is fine._ When the time to head towards the second phase came, you calmed down enough for no one to realize how frazzled you truly were unless they knew you well and was looking for the signs. Luckily, Kurapika - the only one who qualifies - didn’t have any reason to believe something was wrong.

Satotz ran down the hill and everyone followed. You did your best to stay close to Kurapika. You didn’t want to get separated from him again, especially with so much danger surrounding you.

At least you now had three other friends - you had _friends_ , just the thought brought you to tears. When was the last time you could say that with so much confidence? - to look out for if you _did_ end up losing Kurapika.

As the fog became thicker, your nerves ramped up, anxiety worsening by the second.

“Nee-chan! Leorio! Kurapika!” Gon’s shouting made your heartbeat skyrocket and for a second you swore it would drop dead from all the abuse you were putting it through. Leorio’s concerned hand squeezing your shoulder steadied you. “Killua says that we should move up!”

”Moron!” Leorio yelled back, briefly checking to make sure he didn’t scare you as well. When he saw you were fine, he continued, “If I had the strength, I’d already be there!”

“Don’t worry about us!”

”And stay safe, Gon, Killua!”

When you didn’t hear a reply, you assumed they had already moved on, but with all this fog, it was impossible to tell.

Kurapika seemed to read your thoughts. “We can’t even tell which way we’re going.”

”It’s okay,” Leorio said in between his heavy breathing. “As long as we don’t lose sight of the guys ahead of us.”

Right at that moment, one of the aforementioned person’s head fall off. You fought back a scream, freezing in your tracks as more heads came off. The other two stopped, just as horrified.

Strawberries popped up from nowhere, ten times their usual size. A man braver - or more idiotic - than the rest cautiously approached them.

He disappeared in a manner of seconds.

However, screeching above you caught everyone’s attention. Looking up, you saw him trapped in a large turtle-like monster’s mouth, it’s teeth clamping down on his body.

Chaos broke loose.

People began to run away, the turtles snatching them up as they went past, but your group stayed where you were. Running around recklessly would only endanger you. You needed a plan to get out of here without becoming lunch.

Surveying your environment, you didn’t see anything of use. Cursing under your breath, you searched through your bag, but everything inside would be useless against these creatures.

Leorio stepped away from your small formation to pick up a log nearby. The moment he had it in his hands, one of the monsters struck.

”Leorio!” You and Kurapika shouted in unison. The turtle shook him around, but he held tightly onto the log as it was slowly crushed.

Kurapika leapt into action.

Launching himself into the air, he pulled out his bokken and slammed the points into the turtle’s eye. It roared in pain, dropping Leorio as a result. You rushed over just in time to catch him in your arms. Stumbling slightly at his weight, you put him down gently as he oriented himself.

Kurapika landed next to you, calling for your attention. “[Name], Leorio, here’s our opportunity.“

Nodding your head, the three of you darted past the turtles while they were distracted, successful in your escape.

Your group stayed quiet, more focused on getting away then the event that had occurred. It wasn’t until after the howls and wails faded into the background did anyone speak.

”[Name].“ You hummed, acknowledging him while inspecting your surroundings so nothing else snuck up on you. “I wanted to thank you.” This time you looked at Leorio, confused by the gratitude.

“For what?” Surprisingly, Kurapika was the one to ask.

His unreadable expression unnerved you.

Leorio held a tiny smile, an equally small blush dusted across his cheeks, when he answered. “She caught me when I fell.”

”Oh.” You couldn’t see Kurapika’s face as it was turned to the forest and his tone never strayed from its usual coolness, but you still tensed. “Did she now? How _kind_ of her.”

Alarmed, you went to intervene and smooth things out before Kurapika tried to do anything, but Leorio beat you to the punch. “I wanted to thank you, too, Kurapika. For saving me from the...whatever it was. I’m grateful for you.”

Kurapika’s head whipped around to stare at him, genuinely shocked.

Leorio’s eyes widened once he realized what he said and tried to backtrack. A coy smirk formed on Kurapika’s face and he began to make fun of Leorio, further embarrassing him.

Despite this, his grey eyes held a softness so rarely seen.

You watched their interactions fondly.

It’s only been a few days and already Kurapika was changing for the better. You’re not sure what you did to be blessed with meeting Gon, Leorio, and Killua - yes, him too, even though he’s been quite rude - but you’re glad it happened.

Not wanting to disrupt the moment, but knowing it must be done, you hesitantly pointed out what you noticed a while back. “I think we’re lost.”

Kurapika ceased his brutal onslaught to look around and realize you’re right.

You stopped running and the other two followed your example without question. They probably thought you just wanted to know the next plan of action so you weren’t running around like a headless chicken.

The actual reason was something _far_ worse and you stared right at it, hoping your group wouldn’t get noticed.

“Which way should we go?” Leorio asked, glancing over at you. He almost repeated his question when he realized why you ignored him.

Kurapika went to question your strange behaviors but Leorio slapped a hand over his mouth, shushing him, and gestured at what seized your attention.

Hisoka stood in a large field, completely surrounded by a group of men. You took note of how they all wore matching garbs and carried the same type of weapon. Although the clown was outnumbered, he watched calmly as what must be their leader - evidenced by his almost identical outfit if not for the difference in color - threatened him into swearing off the exam.

“Sure.” Hisoka lazily eyed them. He clearly didn’t consider them much of a threat and, honestly? You agreed with him. They were nothing, _nothing_ when pitted against his abilities. “I’m passing the exam this year, so I won’t need to retake it.”

“Passing? Idiot! It’s impossible to determine which direction the main pack went!”

”Meaning we've all failed the exam!“

Hisoka chuckled.

Starting to feel _very_ unsafe, you shrunk into Kurapika and he wrapped an arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer.

”We have to get out of here,” you whispered frantically. Hisoka pulled out a card and your body jerked back. Distantly, you heard Kurapika grunt in surprise and what may have been your name, but all you could focus on was the blood rushing in your ear and that dark, dark atmosphere that engulfed you - beckoning you, _threatening_ you _._

_Oh god, oh no, no, no, no, no, please, not again, I don’t want-_

The men charged at him, battle cries escaping their lips and weapons at the ready.

His hands moved fluidly, the card an extension of him. In a perfect circle, Hisoka swiped his hand through the air. Dancers from those plays you watched as a child came to mind - elegant, controlled performances.

It was beautiful.

It was terrifying.

It was over in less than a second.

You tried to cry out but nothing could break its way through your constricted airways. This time, you didn’t even feel the burn, just mind numbing terror the longer Hisoka’s...Hisoka’s what? What even _is_ it that he emits so powerfully it paralyzes you?

A man left alive from his attack stared at Hisoka, whimpering at the mercilessness he displayed. When he turned to the leader, he fell to the ground and attempted to crawl away to safety.

He would never reach it.

Hisoka’s bloodlust was still present, extinguishing any hope of that man leaving here with his life intact.

Right now would be the perfect time to run while he was distracted, but your legs _refused_ to move. Screaming at your body to leave, escape while you still could, it wouldn’t listen.

Kurapika and Leorio were just as frozen as you, breaths coming in short, fast spurts, the disgust and fear painting their faces.

You tensed even further, eyes widening.

”Hel-“ The man was cut off by a card lodging it’s way into his brain.

“Care to participate,” Hisoka looked at your group from the corner of his eye, “in my little game of examiner?”

Hisoka slowly made his way over, taking his time. Kurapika’s grip tightened for a brief second before letting go and you let out a noise of surprise. Taken off guard by Kurapika distancing himself from you and the realization that Hisoka’s threatening aura had toned down enough for the pain to have subsided, you could only dumbly nod when Kurapika suggested the three of you split up.

A card flicked out into Hisoka’s hand and your heart thumped violently in your chest. Digging your nails into your palm, you struggled to keep yourself from sprinting away.

Kurapika said to wait for his order and so that’s what you would do.

Hisoka began to lift the card. Kurapika grabbed your shoulder, warning you to stay still. You grit your teeth together.

A murder of crows erupting through the trees, cawing madly, startled you enough into darting into the forest. Kurapika’s command to run came a second later.

A shame. If only it had come just a tad earlier then so much pain could have been prevented. Ah, well, you know what they say - every second counts.

* * *

Link explained below: [Guardian](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25380511/chapters/61543090)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HANJSNSKSNAKA IM SO SRY FOR TAKING SO LING TO UPDATE MY SLEEP SCHEDULE HAS JUST BEEN SO SHITTY I HAVENT BEEN MOTIVATED ENOUGH TO FIX THIS CHAP UNTIL NOW ALSO I PROMISED SOMEONE I WOULD UPDATE YESTERDAY BUT I FORGOT TO SRY ABT THAT
> 
> also I’d like to state I started another hxh story!!! it’s called Guardian (link above!!) but its based around Gon instead of Kurapika. its v v self indulgement so read the disclaimers I put in the author’s notes pls


	8. A x Scarred x Past

The grass crunching behind you immediately alerted you to another’s presence. A cold sweat broke out on your skin and you froze in place. Slowly, carefully, you pulled out a knife and crouched down.

You faced the direction the sound came from and strained your ears. After several moments of just listening, nothing else came and you sighed in relief, relaxing your muscles the slightest bit.

You couldn’t let your guard down completely; you _were_ in a swamp filled to the brim with murderous creatures, after all.

Standing up, you placed your knife back in its rightful place, turned around, and promptly screamed at the face only a few centimeters away from your own. You stumbled, tripping over your feet. If not for the large hand wrapping itself around your wrist, you would have fallen on your back.

The clown grinned at you in amusement. “My, my, who knew such a quiet little thing could scream so loudly~” His eyes darkened with a tint of lust and you shuddered at his expression. “I wonder if I can coax out something a bit louder.”

_One breath in, one breath out. Everything is fine._

You swallowed down your fear, pushing away the fact he was still touching you, and straightened your shoulders in faux confidence. “W-what do you want, H-hisoka?” A drop of sweat trickled down your forehead. God, you hadn’t meant to stutter. You just hoped it wouldn’t excite him any more than he already was.

”Hmmm.” He tilted his head and finally let you go, moving out of your personal bubble in the process. Now that he was farther away, breathing came just a bit easier. “I’m not here to kill you. Not yet~”

You refused to accept you whimpered at his words but Hisoka clearly didn’t have the same idea. His lecherous smile widened.

You prayed he wouldn’t mention it.

He didn’t.

”I was curious.”

You frowned, taking a step back, not trusting him in the slightest. “About what?”

He tapped his finger against his chin. You didn’t like the way he was looking at you. As if he knew something you didn’t. As if he was planning the best way to help you figure it out in the most dangerous way possible.

Hisoka raised the finger previously on his chin and immediately every single one of your muscles locked up. A sick feeling began to swirl in your stomach and the hairs on the back of your neck stood on end. A crushing pressure weighed down on you, cutting off your breathing.

_Thunk. Thunk. Thunk._

It happened so fast, you could barely process it from where you were lying on the ground. Turning your head to the left, your pupils dilated at the three cards sticking straight out of the ground. If you hadn’t moved when you did, those cards would be three inches deep into your sternum, killing you instantly.

”I thought so,” Hisoka said calmly, as if he hadn’t tried to murder you.

_One breath in, one breath out._

Your lips trembled in fear and, to your horror, tears began to well up.

_Holy shit._

You almost _died._

A single second had been the difference between you and certain death. You don't even know how you knew to move - you're just glad you did.

And then a thought dawned on you and your breathing quickened. _No, no, no, no, no, this can’t be happening_. That was a one time thing, a one time deal. He can’t be able to do that; it was just a - just a fluke. You had recently survived a murder attempt; your fear is clouding your thought process.

_One breath in. One breath in. One breath i-Wait you have to breathe back out; you’re doing it wrong, you’re **doing it wrong**._

A shadow cast itself over your pathetic form. “Now, now,” Hisoka cooed. “Don’t cry. You survived, didn’t you?”

He grasped your arms and pulled you up with a gentleness no one would ever associate with a psychotic clown like him. Still in shock, you let him tug you into a hug, petting your hair soothingly.

You couldn’t bring yourself to slap his hands away, to push him off, too overwhelmed by _everything_. So much has happened, so much, too much. You can’t _think_ , can’t process your thoughts; it was all going so _fast._

Theres something you need to be doing, something to stop this onslaught of terror before it drowned you, but _nothing_ came to mind. What did she say again? She said something, something important, something that _helped._ What did she say again? What did she say? Who is _sh_ \- wait, no, that’s not important, you want to know something else, you can’t-

It’s the burning, isnt it? You can still feel the pain lingering in your throat and it won’t stop remindingyou and reminding you and reminding you _and reminding you and_ _reminding you and reminding you and reminding y-_

But it didn’t make any sense! None of this made any sense, nothing, absolutely nothing. It drove you crazy because this has never happened bef-

You went rigid in Hisoka’s arms. Eyes dulling, you stared at nothing. An immense amount of panic you haven’t felt in years - not even when Hisoka’s bloodlust flared - began to rise in your throat. You tried to move, tried to scramble away, but something kept you frozen in place. Bile threatened to come spewing out of your mouth, though your body couldn’t even achieve _that_.

Your thoughts raced a mile a minute, trying to connect dots that shouldn’t be there, shouldn’t be possible. This is a trick, right? It’s a trick, a trick, that’s all. Just a trick.

So why can’t you _move?_ Your brain had been throwing a singular memory at you over and over again, but at the realization you have felt a similar - what? mood? aura? atmosphere? - before coupled with your body not listening to you made it toss another horribly traumatic memory into the mix. But it couldn’t be true.

You didn’t _want_ it to be true.

With a stricken look on your face, tears free falling, you sunk into the deep trenches of your mind.

_How how how how he can’t-_

_Please don’t tell me-_

_I’m alone with a-_

_Why is this happening-_

_Not again-_

_Where’s Kurapika-_

_DONT ASK FOR HIM ITLL JUST LEAD TO ANOTHER-_

_YOU CANT ASK THAT OF-_

_I CANT DO THIS GET AWAY WHY CANT MY LEGS MOVE-_

_HES DOING IT AGAIN-_

_ITS-_

_AGAIN WHY-_

_HOW IS HE DOING THIS I CANT MOVE-_

_PLEASE KURAPIKA-_

_ISNT HERE-_

**_YOU WONT BE SAVED YOU WONT BE SAVED LEAVE MOVE PLEASE I DONT WANT THAT PLEASE PLEASE-_ **

Hisoka began to hum, a soft melody you’ve never heard before. His deep voice rumbled right where your head was pressed into his chest.

Closing your eyes, you held tight to that line keeping you from falling apart at the seams.

Breathing deeply, allowing his humming act as a block to cover up the screaming echoing in your mind, you forced yourself to connect your breathing to the rhythm of his heartbeat; _one breath in, one breath out. One breath in, one breath out. One breath in, one breath out._

 _Everything is fine,_ you repeated to yourself and your tears slowly trickled to a stop; your trembling faded away; your hyperventilating evened out enough that your fear of passing out vanished.

A few minutes ticked by and your small fit subsided. Once the shaking stopped completely, he released his hold on you. He smirked, obviously finding entertainment in the entire exchange.

Hisoka finally moved away to pick up a motionless figure. Your muscles tensed, eyes widening once you saw their face.

In your fear, you hadn’t paid any mind to your surroundings, instead focusing all your attention on him - something you now berated yourself over because _really_? You’re lucky a murderous friend didn’t tag along and no monsters passed through.

”What did you...what did you _do_ to him?” You demanded once you spotted the bruise on your friend’s cheek. Unfortunately, your bloodshot eyes and shaky limbs ruined your strong facade.

Hisoka tilted his head, that infuriating smirk widening as he quietly examined you from head to toe. He seemed to find it funny how you tried to act tough when you were crying in his arms only moments before. “Oh? And what makes you think _I_ did something to him?”

Your gaze remained fixated on Leorio, unable to look Hisoka directly in the face. “The last time I saw you, you _murdered_ several different participants with a bunch of cards, including somebody who asked for forgiveness and attempted an escape. Then-then you tried to kill me the same way.”

”..Touché.”

Without giving any other response, Hisoka turned on his heel and began to walk away, Leorio hoisted over his shoulder.

You grit your teeth, frustrated at the turn of events, frustrated at how he was ignoring you after all that he just did, frustrated at _yourself_ for not being able to _do_ anything. “Oi! Where-where are you going? Don’t walk away from me!”

He paused and looked over his shoulder, eyebrow raised. “Finishing Phase One,” Hisoka replied in a matter of fact tone, as if there was no other answer to your question. “Aren’t you coming? Or can you find your own way back to the examiner without my help?”

He’s got you there.

Wiping the snot from your nose with your sleeve, you glared a hole through the ground - too cowardly to direct it against the actual source - as you approached Hisoka.

Your cheeks flushed at being forced to admit not only had you forgotten you were in the middle of an exam, but you couldn’t pass this phase on your own either. It was mortifying to have to depend on him after all that previous anger you’ve thrown his way.

Opting to stay silent, you kept your eyes trained on Hisoka, frowning at his own silence. It would be a waste of time to pursue your line of questioning. There was no way he was going to tell you, judging by the way he kept dodging your question. It annoyed you, but you couldn’t force him to speak. Maybe you could ask Leorio when he woke up.

Giving him a quick once over, you confirmed he _would_ wake up. Knowing Hisoka he would have no problem carrying a dead body around just for fun.

For the rest of your walk, Hisoka talked about... _something_. You’re not completely sure what it was exactly - as he changed the subject too quickly for you to comprehend - but you didn’t care since it kept you distracted.

”How did you get those marks around your neck?” Hisoka abruptly asked. “It almost looks like someone tried to... _burn_ your skin.”

Frowning, you noted how he almost hesitatedon the word “burn”. It was as if he wanted to say something else, something different, but switched tracks last second. It baffled you, really, because Hisoka wasn’t one to hold back.

Unless he had a more interesting plan in mind.

Shifting slightly away, you were unnerved by how he _leered_ at you. “It doesn’t...” your voice faded and you had to clear your throat to try again. “It doesn’t matter. Lets just focus on getting back to Satotz-san.”

Hisoka‘s golden eyes stayed on your scars. You turned away, rearranging your hair to shield them from his knowing gaze. It’s not that you hated the scars - Kurapika put a stop to any self-depreciating comments rather quickly - but the way Hisoka looked at them made you feel like an insect being examined for its rare irregularities before being dissected.

”You say it doesn’t matter, but that’s not true, is it? You’re curious.”

”Curiousity killed the cat,” You choked out from around the lump forming in your throat.

“But satisfaction brought it back.” Hisoka’s lips curled into a cruel smile. “Tell me what happened when you got those scars and I’ll tell you how you got them.”

You clenched a fist, shaking your head slightly. “Stop it. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

What he’s saying is impossible. Hisoka wasn’t there, he _couldn’t_ have been. Even during all that chaos, you’re pretty sure you would‘ve noticed an oddly dressed clown standing amongst uniform-clad students.

He’s messing with you.

That’s all this is. Hisoka got bored of his one sided conversation and decided to pick on you to get a reaction.

Your lip trembled as your voice cracked from raw desperation, “ _Please.”_

They're not related; they don’t know each other. He doesn’t know what happened, never met your classmate, saw those boys or heard the screaming, he _didnt know what it was like, what it was like to d-_

Inaudible voices reached your ears and you visibly relaxed. Once you got to the group, then you’d be able to leave Hisoka’s side - taking Leorio with you, of course. Being near him put you on edge.

Hisoka chuckled, giving you an amused smile. “Your eagerness is cute, but I think I should feel offended by it. You really hate me that much?”

Your expression dropped and you averted your eyes, uncomfortable at being called out.

At least he gave up on his previous line of questioning.

“I-I...um..I-it’s not that I hate you, I just-“ You went quiet. He would probably get off on knowing you were so scared of him you’d take the first chance you could to get away.

Luckily, the group came into view at that moment. Eager to change the subject, you turned to Hisoka with an uneasy smile. “Thank you for helping us, but I can take things from here.”

”Oh? You don’t want to stay?” He reached out a hand, taking a few strands of hair and letting them fall through his fingers. “I wouldn’t mind learning _everything_ about you.”

You swallowed at how close he was, fighting to keep still and not bolt because that would require abandoning Leorio. “No thank you.”

”Okay~” he purred. “But only because of how polite you’ve been. You certainly know your manners.”

Your thoughts flashed back to the man whose arms transformed into petals. You shuddered.

Hisoka dropped Leorio onto the floor and you winced at his lack of care, but didn’t dare say anything. Kneeling by his side, you propped him up on a tree nearby.

”I’ll be leaving now. Take care,” Hisoka tilted his head, lips pulling into an eerie grin, “ _[Name]_.”

You watched him saunter off, eyes wide. How did he know your name?

Frowning, you shook your head. Hisoka probably overheard the others saying your name. That realization didn’t console you due to the fact that meant _anyone_ could catch wind of your conversations. You and Kurapika would have to watch what you say from here on out. Who knew _what_ kind of people were listening.

Directing your attention back to Leorio, you tapped him lightly on the cheek, the one that wasn’t injured. When he didn’t wake, you repeated his name and gently shook his shoulder. Right when he began to stir, you heard someone calling both of your names. Choking down a sob hearing their voices elicited, a smile found it’s way onto your face.

You did it.

You and your friends finished the first phase _alive._

* * *

_[list](https://www.quotev.com/aerialfae/journal/7004782/Ameliorate-Trigger-Warnings) _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i just wanted to say this chapter was the most difficult for me to write because im not very good at showing, rather than telling, emotion
> 
> also, wow, thats a lot of info i just dumped, I’ve alluded to a few things in past chaps which im sure you’ll be able to pick out since im not subtle - this will be a common theme
> 
> also, also, i went back and changed a few very, very minor details. Its not worth going back to reread but i know a few of my readers do that on their own and i dont want them to get confused
> 
> also pls click on the link as it has all the trigger warnings for this story and i just recently updated it

**Author's Note:**

> your relationship with kurapika sure is something
> 
> I know Gon isn’t in this chapter but I posted it in honor of his birthday!! Happy bday, you green cutie pie!!!
> 
> anyways thanks for reading!! I appreciate it homies


End file.
